Look! Look! It's a Poodesign!

Anyway, on with my exciting story...
it all began at 9:30am when I was awoken from my slumber by astonishingly (yes, astonishingly) loud voices outside my house. "Hark! What is that I hear? Astonishingly loud voices outside my house?" I cried. No sooner had the voices started than they stopped, and so I crawled back into the hole in my floor (for I don't sleep in a bed... particularly not a double one) and settled down for forty winks. Or blinks, in my case, but I suppose that's just down to personal preference. Moments later, there was a clattering sound, as a ladder appeared at the side of my house "Sod all the harking lark," I yelled "why the devil is there a ladder against my house?!" I sat in silence as I pondered the meaning for the appearance of this ladder, until a moment of genius struck me "T'is the window cleaner!" I cried, "Mr. Spiderbait has cometh to clean our windows!" It was but seconds before I realised that the conclusion I had drawn was in fact wrong "Alas! It cannot be Mr. Spiderbait, for he only came last week!" I cried in horror, knowing that there was no other innocent explanation for the appearance of the ladder. "Well that's it then," I thought "it's a burglar. It must be. I'm going to die a brutal death by hammer just because some crazed garden lunatic wants to steal our aloe vera plant and the cactus named Spike! Wow, what a way to go" My panic turned to a solemn silence and an overwhelming feeling of calm. I began to write out my will, ensuring my guitars and keyboard went to good new homes, where they would be fed and bathed regularly, and that my clarinet would be returned to its owner. My Korn poster also needed a home, as did my bed (uhh, I mean hole in the ground) and the dream catcher hanging above my window. After ensuring they all had caring homes to go to, I put on my hat and prepared for attack by hammer. The burglar was a little slow, however, and so I toddled over to the window to see if he needed a hand getting in. "Are you OK there?" I asked "Do you want me to help you in so you can steal Jack the lemon and his friends, while you hit me over the head with your hammer?"

"Uhh... no fanks luv" he replied "I'm just 'ere to fix yer gutter"