I'm updating. Because apparently in my imaginary world people who care will read this.

I only update this these days when I'm in a bad mood. But don't update every time I'm in a bad mood. Not interesting.

So on with the rant no one wants to see.

I'm lonely. As in, nearly 100% of the people I've ever met either hate or dislike me. And many people would say the same about them. And most would be lying. I hate that. My friend did that to me once when I was depressed. It sounds selfish of me, because I don't know how other people are feeling, but it was a lie. She knew nothing about how it felt. She hates me now. (see).

Anyway, much as I desperately want (more?) friends, I will avoid situations when I can find them at all costs. Because, pessimistic as it may sound, there's no point. Really there isn't. I'm just not the kind of person to make friends. I'm either really quiet around new people, or totally hyper. And never, ever comfortable. In fact, I'm rarely comfortable in general. Because even random strangers I pass make me feel bad.

I just... I just don't fit in. Ever. I don't know why. But I feel it whenever I'm around new people (usually by force rather than choice). I can feel the tension. It's either them not wanting to have anything to do with me but having no choice, or the big glass wall between us that they seem to like being there.

And I can't cope with that anymore. But hey, I don't really get a say in the matter.

I don't want to go out. A little too late to cancel now though.