I think everyone should dislike me. If they don't already. I think they shoud, because right now I feel that that's what I'm worthy of. I can barely utter a nice word, if I even bother communicating with people at all, which is something I've neglected to do for far too long. I'm feeling slightly sorry for myself, but mostly wanted to beat myself up and insult myself. Sunday night i told myself I was an idiot, because, well, that doesn't matter. I'm enough of a head case as it is. And it's not that I want sympathy, because I truly, honestly feel that I am undeserving of any kind of care. But I also hope that people will be able to forgive me for be so cruel. And some, for barely speaking to them. I don't deserve for people to care as much as they have done since I've known them, because right now that's not something I'm returning. It's not something I seem to have the ability to return. That's no excuse, I know. I'm just... explaining where I am right now. I don't even want to try, because there's no point. I just want people to admit that I've treated them badly. I just... I don't know. I want to bleed a little. Just a very very little.

I'm sorry.